Death and all its effects

I have an intense, fear-fueled obsession with the human voice. At age sixteen I lost one of my closest friends; an event that was probably much different before the advent of the current technological age. She was no longer living, though her presence was still (superficially) available to us through social media websites, through videos, through things much more tangible than memories..


For months after her death, many people who knew her--myself included--would often call her still-connected phone line; never expectant of an answer, but in search of the comfort that was available through listening to her voicemail message. It was a poignant courtesy, an odd thing for us to have been afforded and, as so many other things, it was impermanent. 

She wasn't really gone until I could no longer hear her voice, and the realization that I had heard it for the last time was almost harder to bear than the news of her death itself. I had become obsessed with keeping her alive. I had become obsessed with the idea of her absence being temporary. I had become confident that I'd found the loophole to death; that I had found some sneaky way of working around the gravity of the situation.


I began saving my voicemails. I could't--still, at times, can't--bear the thought that I would never hear her voice again. I had a moment of panic at the realization of how temporary the existence of not only her, but everyone I knew, was. I began compulsively refusing to delete the voicemails I would be left by anyone of importance in my life; I have a database. My father, my estranged mother, my sister, my lovers present and past.. friends, family, coworkers, people who have hurt me, people who have helped me.. On the surface, it's easy to brush this habit off now as just a way to hear their voices but, in a way, it feels as if I've constructed a method of immortality.

Concession and the final product

I'm in love with the idea that started this project; it's such a gentle, observational thought, and so unlike things I normally do. I think that dissimilarity, though, may be where my problems were born from. I have finished the project but I by no means consider this a finished work.. I want to do so much more with it, but I am having difficulty making meaningful expansions. I think forcing the work into areas it is not yet able to grow would only be doing a disservice to it, and I've been told many times that "done is better than perfect." So, although this is the end of the project in terms of class deadlines, this remains a work in progress--just a work whose progress I'm not sure how to continue just yet. 


Here, "The Color of Touch," is my project for my second digital assignment.

Wandering farther

I've been trying to figure out a good direction to head in and I've been toying with the idea of including static images among my moving ones; perhaps in the hopes of emphasizing the movement present. Images such as this one, which still discuss the themes the rest of the body of work is dealing with. 

Revisiting the textual aspect, I've also been working on the .gifs I have already made to find the right phrases to place on them. So far I like this one, an excerpt from the statement "You make me feel safe."

Experiencing technical difficulties

A problem I have come across in my progress is that there seems to be an inherent difficulty in portraying the sensitivity of touch through the format of a .gif image. Even when the image transitions smoothly, I'm finding that the images maintain a static aesthetic. This is proving difficult to capture a gentle sort of feeling. 

I have continued the creation of .gifs in this manner; however, I am wary that I may need to take a new direction with them. My two most recent .gifs can be found here and here.

Further thoughts on movement

To move, one need be pushed; to push, to feel, to experience the sensation of touch and being touched; 

the human touch is one of the most powerful experiences we may share with others--it is at the core of all life, and it is for this reason that I am interested in it. 

I'm exploring the use of text in everything I'm doing at the moment, so I wanted to try and utilize it to help explore the image of the human condition I am attempting to portray. Moments of intimacy, thought, touch, motion. 


The first one can be viewed here

GIF Animation and the concept of movement

We exist within a vacuum of constant motion. 

I'm fiddling around with GIF animation for the first time in 8-ish years. As a preteen and young teenager, I dabbled in animation and digital things using programs like Corel's Paint Shop Pro and Animation Shop. They were good stepping stones for an introduction, but now I feel a little far from the path; this is a new period of learning. 

In all areas at the moment I am interested in text -- consequently, my first new GIF (I Never Knew) is entirely composed of text and can be viewed here.